Stakeholder Management - Do you know how to disagree with powerful stakeholders?

Disagreeing with powerful stakeholders can have a huge impact. It's always good to speak up, but a poorly worded disagreement can result in misalignment or frustration. That's why it's crucial to frame your messages in a way that ensures ideas are expressed effectively.

Video: How to Disagree with Someone More Powerful (watch 3 min from 3:06-5:38)

Imagine a scenario where you are a Developer on a team and you disagree with the Product Owner about the priority of your PBI - migrating from .NET 6 to .NET 8. The Product Owner is saying they don't want to do it, but you think it's important for this Sprint.

Let's see what tips and tricks can be applied to ensure a smooth discussion.

Align your interests and understanding

When you have a disagreement with a senior colleague, it's likely that you have different perspectives and understanding. Before you talk about the issue, it's pivotal to check you are on the same page about the issue and looking for a path forward. Here are some tips for doing so:

1. Repeat your understanding of the issue
2. Ask if they're open to feedback
3. Find a common target

1. Repeat your understanding of the issue

By repeating back your understanding of the issue, you can check that their viewpoint aligns with yours, and if there are any discrepancies, they can be caught before the issue is discussed. (aka Steelmanning)

2. Ask if they're open to feedback

Getting permission to comment is a great tactic. It makes the stakeholder feel empowered to have the conversation and also gives you confidence that they are interested in what you have to say.

3. Find a common target

Determine an outcome you both want to see from the solution. That way the conversation centers on delivering business value rather than being contrary for the sake of it.

Keep the dialog focused on the issue

When talking with a powerful stakeholder it's vital to keep the conversation on track and focused on the issue itself. Here are several strategies you can use:

1. Ground yourself in logic
2. Avoid judgemental language
3. Express that it's your opinion
4. Leave it up to them

1. Ground yourself in logic

When communicating about a problem, emotions can quickly get in the way. You want to project confidence and neutrality - that's why it's critical to try and stick to the logic and facts.

2. Express that it's your opinion

If you caveat that you are just expressing your opinion, others will feel like you are open to discussing the issue rationally and that you understand others may disagree.

3. Avoid judgemental language

Language that sounds accusatory or judgmental can evoke bad reactions and derail a conversation. Words like "stupid", "hasty", "naive" etc. focus the discussion on people's judgment rather than the issue itself. When that happens, you are no longer discussing the logical cause of the disagreement.

4. Leave it up to them

Let them know it's their decision, but be clear that you disagree. Communicating this way allows them to feel in control but also makes it obvious what your opinion is.

Even if you follow all these tips, there is a chance the powerful stakeholder still won't agree with you. In this scenario, it's important to document your disagreement in a for the record email.