Rules to Better Giving and Taking Feedback

In any job, you will most likely at some point face some criticism. Someone may be telling you that you’ve done something wrong or just expressing displeasure because you didn’t do something they wanted.

The impulse to win an argument and prove that you are right can be a strong driving force, but it goes without saying that it should not take priority over keeping a good client.

Scrum processes are useful for more than just software development - it’s a great tool for organizing and optimizing all kinds of work, from presentations to meetings to events, sales, and more. A very important part of the Scrum process is the Sprint Retrospective Meeting. It is basically feedback, an important commodity to any professional who wants to improve their game.

You should get into the practice of having a retro for most tasks. It’s a great way to get feedback while it’s still fresh in people’s minds, and it lets you know what you need to change to be even more successful next time. The guys at SSW jokingly say "you can't eat dinner with Adam Cogan without a retro about the meal".

Don’t start thinking that some conspiracy is behind someone's actions.

American writer William James (born 1842) said:

Brian Harry (in 2018) said something similar in Giving feedback:

When you notice that someone has done something that could have been done better, make sure you are tactful in your correction/suggestions. When you are giving someone a correction or tip, try to include an URL to back up your point.

For example, if someone sends you an email that should be an appointment:

Anchors are prompts or questions that guide the person providing feedback towards specific areas.

When it comes to requesting feedback, it's natural to want to guide the conversation by providing anchors that direct the conversation towards specific topics/elements. While this approach may seem helpful, it can actually hinder the quality of feedback received.

The goal of any outbound call is to get the person on the other end of the line involved. The way to do this is to employ a knockout combo. If you were a boxer, you'd follow up a jab with a cross hook and an uppercut! (the good ole one-two-three knockout!). If you're a telemarketer you follow the "Yes Ladder" up with open-ended questions.

Brian Harry said in his blog:

One of the biggest mistakes people make when giving feedback is giving it when one or the other is stressed, angry, frustrated, or in a hurry – and this is one of the worst times to give feedback because people aren’t in a place to hear it and really think about it. Make sure the recipient of the feedback is in a safe space and prepared to take the feedback (aka their "listening ears" are on), rather than just rattling off everything that’s on your chest the moment you next speak to them.

Giving feedback should be done in a safe space, so as not to seem like you are directly attacking the feedback recipient. The way you word and give feedback is important and should be considered.

Consider starting with the following:

Then start with the good…  before the bad .

Every day you will probably come across something that could be improved. If you're not making improvements, you're going backwards. But don't make suggestions or criticisms without being specific.

Avoid curt emails when correcting people. The sandwich rule approach is an effective way to provide feedback to other team members and clients.

A sentence can be expressed in various ways, and it holds significance to utilize positive language when communicating with clients. Rather than stating "I will NOT do X until you do Y", a more constructive approach would be to say "When you do Y, I will be happy to proceed with X".

The word "but" often sounds negative and creates friction—even when you're agreeing. Phrases like "Yes, but...” can come across as dismissive, subtly negating what was just said. This can make the other person feel unheard or contradicted.

Instead, try using "Yes, and..." to acknowledge the previous point and build upon it. This approach encourages collaboration and keeps conversations constructive.

Swearing is not acceptable at work. People should not get comfortable with bad language as the work environment would suffer. You should be especially careful when giving and receiving feedback.

Some good deterrents are:

According to Sydney Morning Herald's "Flame emails missing the mark":

> "The senders of email messages expected their partners to correctly interpret their tone nearly 80% of the time, but in fact, they only scored just over 50%... Those attempting to interpret the message believed they had scored 90% accuracy".

Typically, when encountering undesirable behavior, the usual approach involves providing direct feedback. However, there are occasions when a more effective method can benefit both the individual and their immediate supervisor.

Throughout your career, you might come across a scenario that feels unfair. In these situations, communication is vital for resolving conflict and making all parties feel content with the result. Let's take a look at some scenarios that may be perceived as unfair:

Everyone wants a place where people help each other. Unfairness can really impact people in the workplace.

It all starts with how you approach things, some people are better than others at dealing with unfair situations.

Microsoft Forms and Google Forms provide an invaluable way of collecting data from your employees, users and other stakeholders. It's important to understand if their experience of providing this feedback is a good or a bad one.

Therefore, create a last question where they rate the form's questions from their perspective. That way you've got metrics to make better forms in the future.

Let's take a look...

When you see an opportunity for someone to improve, either professionally or personally, it's tempting to immediately offer them some advice or feedback. But if they haven't asked, you need to approach it carefully and considerately; and, most importantly, ask yourself, am I doing this for them, or for me?